x factors

image found at radiotimes.com

it’s elementary, my dear



factor times factor


is there a correlation?
could the “factors”
(the X factors)
be content
and process…

think on that…

Let the one who walks in the dark,
    who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
    and rely on their God. – Isaiah 50:10

friends, I sometimes
most times
simply want the product
the thing
the job
the peace
the reason
the ability
the longing of my heart
the desire that burns intensely
the question answered
the pain taken away

the end result…
and of course I want that
in my time frame
and for it to look the way
I think it should —

how about you?

    See, you have nothing to fear. I, who made you, will take you back.
        I have chosen you, named you as My own.
    When you face stormy seas I will be there with you with endurance and calm;
        you will not be engulfed in raging rivers.
    If it seems like you’re walking through fire with flames licking at your limbs,
        keep going; you won’t be burned. – Isaiah 43:1-2 (the Voice)

we negate the process
we don’t want to do the work
I don’t like
or raging rivers
or flames
or being burnt

or accidents
or recovery
or bad news
or loss
or grief
or lack of ability

or not being able to see
with my eyes
or hear
with my ear
or taste
with my mouth
or smell
with my nose
or feel…

(maybe that is the x factor…)??

where does knowledge enter in?
when does the “what” appear?
am I concerned with “how”?

do I just want
IT – the product?

what happens when I get
and the process has been

what then?

scrambling to figure things out
twisted thinking – why aren’t things fixed or better?
why don’t I know what I am doing?

I am reminded of the
conundrum that
often exists in our lives…

can you imagine
giving meat (or solid food)
to an infant?

there is a reason why
we as babes
are started out on milk…
it’s the process
we aren’t equipped to handle anything else

so maybe, just maybe,
when we get

it is because we aren’t ready
we can’t handle it

our teeth aren’t developed enough to chew
our throats are strong enough to swallow
digestive juices
the process of getting rid of waste
…all of these things simply are not ready
to handle the truth

what if
I got what I wanted
when I wanted it
and how I wanted it
to look, act, smell, taste, feel

what then?

would I be ready to handle it?

I can answer that with a resounding

how about you?

on the flip side,
there are things that have happened
that I certainly wasn’t ready to handle…
and yet
they happened.

part of the process

We want clarity; God wants us to come closer.
Come closer to God who’s got it:
Lean on His love, Rely on His strength. – Ann Voskamp

trust it.

that’s hard.
that hurts.
that isn’t easy.

and yet…
God is still God.

I don’t say that to minimize
what we encounter
what we endure
the suffering
the pain
the hurt
the disappointment
the loss
the grief…
but I say that
as hope

that we can see the things in front of us
we can see the road of process
and because
God is still God
we have something else to focus on
somewhere to pull strength
Someone to lean on
and lean into
and Someone who
already sees beyond the process
to the product
to what can be
to what is

if not
then where is hope?
what is hope?
does hope exist?

so often
we want to skip the process
and we sometimes forget the

the work
the change
to our thoughts
to our feelings
to our actions
to our hearts…

how is that working for you?

it’s not working for me.

grace…the ultimate x factor





this was never supposed to happen


“The only thing that stops the desperation, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the twirling…is for the Spirit of God to lay across my heart and make it still.  The blanket of His presence and His protection is the only perfect fit for the deep creases and crevices carved inside me.” – Lysa Terkeurst

today was never supposed to happen…

you see, today is a new beginning
another step in this adventure
kind of the culmination of the last 4 years…

today I am a counselor.

granted, I received my license and degree a year ago
but today….
today is a big day.

this day was not supposed to happen
graduating with a Master’s Degree was never supposed to happen
being able to take care of my daily needs, by myself, was never supposed to happen

my family was told that I would need round-the-clock care
I couldn’t walk
couldn’t talk
couldn’t read
couldn’t write
couldn’t remember….

that was eleven years ago.

so today…today is kind of a big deal.

I am trying to wrap my head around it.

as I am sitting here this morning,
drinking my coffee
getting ready for my day,
I can’t help but think about
where I was
where I am
and wonder what is ahead for me…

I know the plans I have for you, plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that.  – Jeremiah 29:11 (the Voice)

I still have internal work to do
heart work…
but I know today
on this day that really was never supposed to happen
I am blanketed by


and ready.

the blanket of grace…





earlier bits

October 2017
« Sep   Feb »