how bizarro

maybe this could be a great title of a book…
mine
yours
ours.

ever think that you live in a bizarro world…
things are upside down and backwards
and jumbled?

I do.

let me put this out there…and please don’t judge me.
I
am
not
a
comic
book
fan…
and I probably couldn’t tell you
the difference between
DC and Marvel…
don’t be a hater.

but…
I do very much relate to a bizarro world

“The beautiful is always bizarre.”  – Charles Baudelaire

yesterday I participated in the culmination
of perhaps the most
upside down
jumbled
shaken up
bizarro
happenings of the past 5 years

or even of the past 25 years…

yesterday
a master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling
was conferred upon me…

the girl who was not supposed to be walking
or taking care of herself

yesterday
I walked across the stage,
feeling like I was being funneled through a conveyor belt of graduates
I
walked
across
the
stage.

bizarro

yesterday
all of the reading
and the writing
and the researching
and the testing
and the memorizing
and the learning how to be a counselor
became official

bizarro

yesterday
all of the miles driven
over the past 3 1/2 years
all of the short nights
and long days
and lack of sleep
became worth it…

bizarro

yes, I actually finished in December
and was licensed in January…
but it finally all felt official
yesterday.

bizarro

yesterday
my family and friends helped me celebrate…
they have supported and encouraged me
and walked this journey with me
my tribe has been rooting for me this whole time…
and the bizarre thing about this?
my mom.

she died before I was even thinking about pursuing
my master’s degree
she didn’t know about…
the long days and short nights
the balancing of school and work…and squeaking in time to spend with people
the long drives
the reading and writing and memorizing and testing and learning
she didn’t know.

bizarro.

yesterday was bizarro.

how was I feeling yesterday?
I couldn’t answer that question when I was asked…I didn’t know

but today…
today I can look back on the bizarre yesterday and
say that I feel
free and hopeful.

even though I am 5 months past being done
am not currently counseling
have experienced rejection and disappointment
and am not sure what is next…

and I am confused about God’s timing
and even His purpose for me, sometimes…
and have questions with no answer…

I feel hopeful.

bizarro

jumbled
upside down
backwards…

and yet
freedom and hope

bizarro

you see…
who would have ever thought this would happen?
who imagined that the lifeless and broken
form that was hooked up to tubes and cords
to help keep her breathing and alive
would
ever
be
able
to
accomplish this?

bizarro

the beauty
and mystery
of God
that He steps into
our lives

the upside down-ness
the jumbled and broken
the backwards and skewed

and sees what we cannot see
and believes what we cannot even fathom

and makes it right.

bizarro grace.

(Inspired by commencement address at ATS by Rev. Efrem Smith)

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earlier bits

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