what if?


photo can be found at alidavies.com

this post has been influenced by recent events.  this post has been brewing inside of me.  this post is dedicated to those who are asking the tough questions, the questions that seem to have no answers.  this post is for you.

“When you encounter rough patches along your life-journey, trust that My Light is still shining upon you.  My reasons for allowing these adversities may be shrouded in mystery, but My continual Presence with you is an absolute promise.” – Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

today’s emotions could have been hijacked…
today’s thoughts might have been clouded…
today’s actions could have been damaging…
yesterday…prayers were whispered
yesterday…the course of a little life was set right by the banging of a gavel
yesterday…the crawling skin was soothed by mere words
yesterday…the nerves and the fear were calmed —- for today.
yesterday…God was seen as benevolent and loving and merciful.

but what if…

what if the outcome had been different?
what if the sound of that gavel leveled a different course?
what if the fear was coupled with sadness and grief?
what if that happened yesterday?
what would my (our) response be today?

this is not a new pondering for me…but one that is nagging at my soul
not often, if ever, do I hear us (the Christian community) praise God in the middle of a really crappy time…
it is not often that I hear “Praise the Lord” when our fervent prayers are answered in unfavorable ways…
or when “bad things happen to good people”…

does that mean that God is not present, or involved,
or  maybe he has turned a deaf ear to my request
or maybe I didn’t pray “correctly?
or maybe I am not worthy enough to have a prayer answered
or maybe I needed to pray more
or maybe
I. really. don’t. understand. God. at. all.

what if those things were actually true??

why pray at all?
can I change the mind of God?
does my little, barely uttered, whisper of a prayer even matter?
does the God of the universe hear me?

what if
what if
what if…

(anxiety, my friends, establishes its roots in the fertile, well-watered soil of the ‘what-if’)

I probably ask enough what-ifs to feed, water, and even provide sunlight for some of the most harvest-rich fields there are.

what if I only praised God, or gave Him credit when everything made sense?
when I understood and
when the road was clear.

what happens when it is dark,
and scary,
and things are hidden and obscured?
what then?

do I praise God,
or blame Him.

what if I have way too many questions
and a shortage of solutions?

so, how do I find answers?
by asking the question.
by sitting in it.
by exploring it.
by knowing it.
by smelling it.
by hearing it.
by tasting it.
by touching it.

so how do I know who God is?
by asking Him.
by sitting with Him.
by exploring Him.
by knowing Him.
by recognizing His scent.
by hearing His voice.
by tasting His sweetness.
by touching those things, those people whom He has touched.

what if
things don’t turn out according to how I think they should
or dare I say
according to how I think God’s will looks?
what then?

can I still have confidence
in Him
in His plan
in His will
in His purpose?

can I truly?

honestly, I ask that question.
I sit with that
and sometimes, so that I don’t have to move from my spot
I don’t let go of it.

that view of God –
the one where He is out-of-reach
and removed from my life
becomes the lens through which I view everything.

it magnifies the problem
and distorts the truth.


what if

the lens of grace
is so close to the problem
that is just simply enhances the inconsistencies and the blemishes

what if
the lens of grace
is so close to the truth
that I can simply see truth more clearly, more completely.

what if
the dark
actually illuminates answers?

what if
what I think, feel, and do today
is influenced by yesterday
and I
choose to,
am almost compelled to,
act in such a way that is
relevant and congruent
with very nature of God himself.

what if
that is why I praise
what if
that is why I question

what if
that is the whole purpose.


what if…grace.


earlier bits

May 2016