waiting to exhale

lzm095

have you ever not really known you weren’t breathing properly
that you just kept inhaling
but never really letting it all out?

I witnessed an epic exhale 2 days ago.

knowing that birthing your own child is not a possibility…
{inhale}
deciding as a family to foster with the hope to adopt…
{inhale}
the classes
the information
the invasion of privacy
the lack of anonymity
the thought of “one day”
{inhale}
the prayers that seemingly stood frozen in time…
{inhale}
the call
{breathing stops}
a baby is yours
{sharp intake of breath}
…for now? for a week?  for a month?  for a year?
for forever??
{inhale}

falling in love at first sight with her
{inhale}
agonizing as she fights
pouring out endless amounts of adoration
praying
cherishing every moment that she takes breath
fostering hope in her as she struggles
tirelessly making her the center of your world
{inhale} {inhale} {inhale}

bringing her home
{inhale}
not sleeping
yawn…{inhale}
long nights
short days
being so grateful
{inhale}

an unknown future
{inhale}
heartbreak
{inhale}
compassion
frustration
buckets of tears
{inhale}

bottles
formula
diapers
bottles
formula
diapers
diapers
diapers
{inhale}

that smile
{inhale}
that giggle
{inhale}
that hair!
{inhale}

watching her grow
and explore
and figure things out
{inhale}

…could this be the last day she’s with us??
{inhale}

every day a blessing
{inhale}
a little fashionista
{inhale}
doting parents
and grandparents
and family
and friends
{inhale}

being over the moon in love
{inhale}

uncertainty
unknowing
perplexing
eagerness
amazement
anxiousness
insecurity
anger
jealousy
sensitivity
{inhale.inhale.inhale}

then the day is in sight.
the future of the rest of forever is certain.

no more
wondering
anxiety
fear
worry…

the petition has been written…
the court has ruled…

the waitingchaosfearworrydreadanxiousnessuncertaintyunknowingjealousy
isitourtimeisthisourlittlegirlforever
isshegoingtobeokay
whatnowwhat’snext
dowehavetogiveherback
willtheytakeheraway
panic
is.finally.over

the wait is over
it
is
time
to

{EXHALE}

her name is changed
she is yours forever
Gabrielle Grace Tennant
is the strongest
most beautiful
resilient
and smart little Peanut

she is loved and adored and cherished.
and God has chosen the best parents
to give her
God has chosen the best Gabby to give to you.

to the Tennants, now plus one….
all my love, betsy

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. karocks836
    Apr 04, 2015 @ 10:39:00

    thank you. love…

    Reply

  2. Trackback: bitsofbetsy

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