the stillness of those sadder-days


Good Friday


Easter Sunday

imagine being there…
watching your Jesus die

where did hope go?

broken faith…

the tomb was NOT empty

where was God?

the day
when what you believe
to be true
no longer is.

do you live there?
have you made your home
in the stillness
in the emptiness
in the hopelessness
of Sadder-day?

I visit there…
a lot

I know Sunday is coming…
I know the tomb is empty…
I know I am not alone

I visit
I ride the train
to sadder-day

I question where God is…


I’m not supposed to feel lost
I’m not supposed to feel alone
I’m not supposed to feel hurt
or broken
or confused
or helpless….

because I love Jesus…


it has taken me 35+ years to be ok
in the stillness
in the emptiness
in my brokenness
in my helplessness
in my confusion

just yesterday…
Truth was spoken.

“feel what you feel” – Dale Ryan

breathe that in….

“feel what you feel”

if it’s sadness…feel that
if it’s exuberance….feel that
if it’s exhaustion…feel it
pain…feel it
joy…feel it
hope…feel it
disgust…feel it

feel it
feel it
feel it


“the Christian life is not about creating an atmosphere of relentless cheerfulness” – Dale Ryan

thank you, Dale Ryan
for speaking
the Truth.


(thoughts on Black Saturday taken from a post by Lisa Ling)


feeling overwhelmed by grace…



likeness to Jesus

passion of the christ9

 “It is not great talents God blesses so much as likeness to Jesus.”
– Robert Murray McCheyne

what if…

when God looked at us He didn’t see our
“powerhouse” attributes

but, instead, He saw His Son?

what if…
we were so immersed and encapsulated with Jesus
that our DNA
became His DNA – the stuff that makes us up
is the stuff that makes Jesus
Who . He . Is?

what if…
we shared the load-carrying…
the happy-tears…
the moments of deep, profound sorrow…
the joys
the pains
the suffering
of Jesus’ people?

what if….??
we were transformed into the likeness of Christ??

what if…we could honestly answer these questions…?

who are we?
who am I?
who am I before my King?

“This week begins with the festive procession with olive branches: the entire populace welcomes Jesus. The children and young people sing, praising Jesus.

But this week continues in the mystery of Jesus’ death and his resurrection. We have just listened to the Passion of our Lord. We might well ask ourselves just one question: Who am I? Who am I, before my Lord? Who am I, before Jesus who enters Jerusalem amid the enthusiasm of the crowd? Am I ready to express my joy, to praise him? Or do I stand back? Who am I, before the suffering Jesus?

We have just heard many, many names. The group of leaders, some priests, the Pharisees, the teachers of the law, who had decided to kill Jesus. They were waiting for the chance to arrest him. Am I like one of them?

We have also heard another name: Judas. Thirty pieces of silver. Am I like Judas? We have heard other names too: the disciples who understand nothing, who fell asleep while the Lord was suffering. Has my life fallen asleep? Or am I like the disciples, who did not realize what it was to betray Jesus? Or like that other disciple, who wanted to settle everything with a sword? Am I like them? Am I like Judas, who feigns loved and then kisses the Master in order to hand him over, to betray him? Am I a traitor? Am I like those people in power who hastily summon a tribunal and seek false witnesses: am I like them? And when I do these things, if I do them, do I think that in this way I am saving the people?

Am I like Pilate? When I see that the situation is difficult, do I wash my hands and dodge my responsibility, allowing people to be condemned – or condemning them myself?

Am I like that crowd which was not sure whether they were at a religious meeting, a trial or a circus, and then chose Barabbas? For them it was all the same: it was more entertaining to humiliate Jesus.

Am I like the soldiers who strike the Lord, spit on him, insult him, who find entertainment in humiliating him?

Am I like the Cyrenean, who was returning from work, weary, yet was good enough to help the Lord carry his cross?

Am I like those who walked by the cross and mocked Jesus: “He was so courageous! Let him come down from the cross and then we will believe in him!” Mocking Jesus….

Am I like those fearless women, and like the mother of Jesus, who were there, and who suffered in silence?

Am I like Joseph, the hidden disciple, who lovingly carries the body of Jesus to give it burial?

Am I like the two Marys, who remained at the Tomb, weeping and praying?

Am I like those leaders who went the next day to Pilate and said, “Look, this man said that he was going to rise again. We cannot let another fraud take place!”, and who block life, who block the tomb, in order to maintain doctrine, lest life come forth?

Where is my heart? Which of these persons am I like? May this question remain with us throughout the entire week. ” – Pope Francis, Palm Sunday homily 2014

who are you?
where is your heart?

are you like Jesus?

suffering grace…


my future is a memory


the future…
a cliffhanger
an enigma
a puzzle

the lumps and bumps of the present
become memories in the future

trying to make sense of the chaos of the here-and-now
struggling to trust
attempting to relinquish control

believing that God really does have this
wallowing in the peace that truly is beyond what you can comprehend

wrapping your head around the fact
that your future is just a memory for God…
He’s already there!

here-and-now grace.

lumps and bumps


as I travel this journey, it seems that this warning sign is evident everywhere…
sometimes, I “see” it after I’ve tripped over the bump on my path….
every been there?

the maze of life…
the rocky paths…
the slippery slopes…
the things that slow me down…
the sinkholes and cave-ins…

the unexpected findings…
the obsessions that follow…
the denial…
the fear…
the unknown…

could it be??
what will happen?
how will my life change?


April 2…I fell flat on my face because of a bump –
more accurately
a lump.

although I am uncertain of the cause and/or the diagnosis presently,
I am certain that it exists.

so many questions..

one day at a time, as they say.
one test at a time.

The Lord will give [unyielding and impenetrable] strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace. – Psalm 29:11 (AMP)


earlier bits

April 2014
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