be present

twists-and-turns-alison-johnston
twists and turns…
on a journey…that I, for so long, considered to be only straight and uphill…
no room to move…
no room to venture…
no room to breathe, actually.

but that really isn’t the way it is.

twists
turns
detours
plateaus
u-turns
sure…there are times of coasting and enjoying the flatness
but
my walk with God does not look like the picture of the journey that I have had ingrained in my mind for so long.

I have allowed my relationship with God to grow stale….stagnant even.

have you ever looked at your life….
and seen it
as if
it is painted on a window?
that you see things unfolding right in front of you but you can’t or don’t really touch or experience them?

are you present for your own life?

I have not been.

“I need for there to be something bigger than me.  I need someone to put awe inside me; I need to come second to someone who has everything figured out.”
Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

the start of 2014…
why not be a part of something bigger than I am?
why not be awed every day (or at least strive to be)?
why not take second place??

I have lived a chunk of my life with perceived limitations.
disabilities, if you will.
while I am not willing to dismiss the validity in that, I am learning not to live in that perception.
there are things I can do…I am able to do…I am capable of doing…
I am capable of getting a Master’s Degree…
I am capable of achieving far more…
“this” (whatever that blank needs to be at the moment) is not it for me…
even though, at this moment, I am not ignoring the possibility of limitations….I am no longer allowing myself to be paralyzed by that notion.

the many twists and turns…
as I look back through the window….
have really created a magical and awesome piece of art.

so this year, 2014…
I want to be present…
no…
today – I want to be present.
I want to experience my life, and not just life it as if it has been painted on a window.

“Today is your big moment. Moments, really. The life you’ve been waiting for is happening all around you. The scene unfolding right outside your window is worth more than the most beautiful painting, and the crackers and peanut butter that you’re having for lunch on the coffee table are as profound, in their own way, as the Last Supper. This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull off the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted.” – Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

ever-present grace…

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earlier bits

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