in my sights

shooting

scorching hot sun
target acquired
my hand gripped the gun tightly
sights lined up
sweat dripping
trigger gently squeezed
*BAM*
*BAM*
*BAM*

almost 100 rounds later, (I think), and a couple of shots fired from revolvers…my first venture on a shooting range was complete

guns are truly to be respected

the power
the damage
the exhilaration
the release

(I noticed I was holding my breath with every magazine I emptied…I’ve got to remember to breathe!)

for me, the mechanics, the logistics of shooting took a back seat to the experience
I was totally aware of safety and being cautious, but the need for perfection and fear of not doing it right was not even present

(HUGE step for me…)

I was fully present
almost feeling instead of thinking…

it was after this experience that the demolished wall in myself was truly real to me
I wasn’t stuck in my head
I wasn’t careless
I was present…both feeling and thinking
a moment of true freedom

will I do things differently next time?
most likely.
I was so focused on the paper target and the “bad guy” that I lost all sense of lining up the sights
I was focused on something other than what was right in front of me
I didn’t even notice the sights…just where I was aiming

hmm….

how often I do that everyday!!
I focus on where I am aiming….
the better job
the better future
not being alone
trying new things
growing and stretching….
but
don’t even notice the sights
the points that need to line up
listening to God
seeking God’s guidance
searching for God’s direction
reading God’s word

although I hit the target…at least 90% of the time….
the results could have been
more accurate
more in line
my attempt could have been
more intentional
more focused

the outcome was not bad
not even off the mark
but, just think…
with a little more precision
a little more focus
a little less haste
the end result could have been more exact

it is refreshing to know….
that even though I rush
I don’t focus
I get caught up in the process of life

God still uses my efforts to bring about change and reconciliation
but
I do have to recognize Him
and open my hands to His direction
and focus on His intentions
…put Him in my sights

I am learning that perfection is NOT what God desires
He desires obedience and humbleness and to walk with Him

Once again, you’ll trust in the presence of hope;
you’ll scan the horizon and sleep safely. – Job 11:18 (the Voice)

and with the smell of gunpowder fresh in my nostrils…
grace has been discharged.

firing grace….

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earlier bits

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