to shoot the already injured

I heard this phrase last night: “shooting the wounded”
in the midst of swirling thoughts in my own head.crosshairs
the emphasis on performance….on numbers…on perceived growth…
accomplishments…milestones…achievements…

I am speaking from a Christian – born and raised in the Church, walking with Jesus for almost 35 years – background.
growing up in an environment where my thoughts and ideals were formed around Biblical standards.

learning what is truly is to walk with Jesus – to essentially “be Jesus” to everyone I meet.
leading others to do and be the same.
questioning.
pondering.
feeling.
being hurt and disenchanted and wounded.
setting my standards “too high” (although I don’t understand how that can happen).
and ultimately….being injured, being shot, if you will.

being in the crosshairs, albeit unknowingly – and maybe putting myself there with my questions and objections and opinions

all the while, feeling that those in opposition (or at least perceived opposition) are from within the Body –
those who are the digits, the phalanges, the limbs, the organs, the inner-workings, of the anatomy of Jesus

they I have the munitions
they I  have the weapons
how many times do I participate in the blasting of those already wounded?

when is enough enough?
how hurt to we have to be?
is a “bump” bad enough?
or do we practically have to be losing a limb and profusely bleeding to be considered wounded?
oh, I know…we have to have a tragedy – an accepted tragedy (there must be a list of acceptable and unacceptable things somewhere)
am I being cynical?
yes, I probably am.
is that what it will take?

cynicism, pessimism, despair…
perhaps.

or maybe, just maybe…I wish, I desire, I yearn for the Church to be the Church.
to love
to guide
to disciple
to stand in the path of the bullets and not allow the wounded to be shot!

am I willing to take the bullet for someone else?
and am I willing to not be the one with a bullet in the chamber ready to shoot?
Heaven help us.

I often refer to the Scripture (Matthew 7:3-5) that talks about the plank and sawdust…how often we try to remove just a speck of sawdust from someone’s eye while we have a 2×4 in our own eye.
then today, I just finished a book entitled, Choking on a Camel…which refers to Matthew 23:24
You guide the people, but you are blind! You are like a person who picks a fly out of a drink and then swallows a camel
how many times have I, in the guise or the attempt of doing what is right, seemingly cleaned up my life just to choke on a camel?
then try to rinse it down with good deeds, or the right “churchy” words, or achievements, or generosity, or responding appropriately and efficiently?
but still…choke.

this post comes from a place of woundedness…of freshness…of meatiness
of honesty and candor
of searching for healing
of a desire to love more deeply
of a yearning to understand

so, as I drink my coffee and search for gnats…I pray that I avoid the camels – the places of hypocrisy in me
and more fully understand who Jesus is.

I pray that I will stand in the path of the bullet meant for those who are wounded….
clothed in Kevlar

I pray that as I lay wounded, someone else will be willing to take the bullets meant for me

armed with grace…

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earlier bits

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