who you are

I know that look you’re givin’ like you got something to prove.
‘Cause I have walked for miles and miles in that same pair of shoes.
You refuse forgiveness like it’s something to be earned.
But sometimes pain’s the only way that we can learn.

You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far
that you can’t get back when you lost where you are.
It’s never too late so bad, so much that you can’t change who you are.

Ooohhh, Ooohhh, you can change who you are. Ooohhh, ooohhh.

You believe in freedom, but you don’t know how to choose.
You gotta step out of your feelings that you’re so afraid to lose.
And everyday you put your feet on the floor you gotta walk through the door, it’s never gonna be easy.
But it’s all worth fighting for.

You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far
that you can’t get back when you lost where you are.
It’s never too late so bad, so much that you can’t change who you are.

Ooohhh, Ooohhh, you can change who you are. Ooohhh, ooohhh.

So let the ashes fall wherever they land,
come back from wherever you’ve been.
To the foot of the cross, to the feet of Jesus. The feet of Jesus.

You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far that you can’t get back when your lost where you are.
It’s never too late so bad, so much that you can’t change.
You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far that you can’t get back when your lost where you are.
It’s never too late, so bad, so much that you can’t change.

At the foot of the cross you change who you are. At the foot of the cross you change who you are.

grace.

it’s complicated

No…I am not referring to a status update on Facebook.

have you ever been in a situation where things just are…complicated?
perplexing. convoluted. jumbled. muddled. intricate.
ever been there?

I’m not totally convinced that complication is negative or bad or unhealthy all the time.
I am, however, pretty sure that I have complicated situations just by entering into them. I sat that not as a slam to myself, but as an honest revelation.

work.
friendships.
family.
church.

whether it’s a place where your faith and convictions are under a microscope…
or times when your feelings and emotions constantly need defending…
or places and times when simply by being intense, an almost- forty- single- never been married- non mother complicates everything.
(not to mention looking like you’re not even 18 apparently)

maintaining integrity and authenticity as a Jesus follower without getting dragged into the quicksand of negativity and backstabbing
intense….in thinking and in relationships
marital status….feeling ‘ less than’ and having to answer the speculations of my sexuality
not being a mom….*sigh*

complicated.

I show up (literally and figuratively) and complicate things…what do people do with me?
reassure me all the time? well, that’s exhausting.
coddle me? no thank you! that’s annoying.
love me? that’s complicated.

as this new year gets underway, I am looking forward to getting untangled.

grace.

rediscovery

today marks the beginning of a new year…and more poignant is that today is a new day; it’s a Tuesday.
i was pondering last night how much value we put in January 1 – a time to start fresh, to begin the diet…again, to make new commitments to God, to have great plans and goals for the next 365 days – you know the list.
but, realistically, isn’t today a new day…period?
it’s a day, yes, to reflect and want to see change in our lives, but do we see today, New Year’s Day, as having some ‘magical’ power – that things will automatically be different for us with the turning of the calendar?

for so long, i’ve held onto the ‘magic’ of today…the clean slate if you will.
i resolve to do things…to eat better, to move more, to reconnect with God, to do this, to do that.
but, then January 2 comes…and the next day….and the next month…and life happens.
and as i look back on my years of the trend, am i any further ahead? am i any healthier? am i connected with God on a daily basis?
*sigh*

are you just tired of things being the same year after year, day after day?
the same thoughts creep back…thoughts you got rid of years ago.
the same actions show up unexpectedly…actions you were sure you were no longer keeping you in bondage.
the consistent pattern in relationships.
the feelings, the longings, the self-defeating attitudes…

i’m exhausted.
knowing that those thoughts, feelings, and actions have no room in my life, and yet there they are.
knowing that God is bigger than all of it.
knowing that i am made for more.
knowing that God’s Word shows me, clearly, that i am loved, cherished, chosen, redeemed and clothed with newness.

this new year, this new day…may it be a time of rediscovery.
of who i am.
of Whose i am.

how about you?

When the road is winding through the darkness
And the load is heavy as your heart is now
And you’re full of doubt

When your prayers are crashing into silence
And your scared that everything you’re crying out
Is gonna hit the ground.

Every night is holding back a sunrise
Every storm is shadowing a blue sky
I know it’s hard when there’s nothing that you can do
So let mercy hold you
– Jason Crabb

grace.