words. they hold a lot of power. with them we can build up and tear down. comfort and injure. heal and destroy.
growing up as a Christian, i’ve learned the language of Christianity well…i can orate and conversate with the fluidity of grace and mercy, always trying to make sense of the things that don’t.
to those of you with whom i have demonstrated this ‘churchy’ language, i am sincerely sorry.
when the language that is familiar and in which i am fluent is suddenly thrust onto me and my cruddy situation, it sounds different.
as Lysa Terkeurst recently wrote: “God certainly doesn’t need people like me – with limited perspectives, limited understanding, and limited depth – trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense.
Is there a place for God’s truth in all this? Absolutely. But we must, must, must let God direct us. In His time. In His way. In His love.”

i am still a firm believer that my ultimate goal is to point others to Christ, always.
the choice of the words i use is up to me.
God help me.

don’t give up

This time your heart said its had enough
Sick and tired of everything that’s so messed up
You don’t wanna move on just playing games
Praying hard somehow your life will change
When you feel like you don’t know what to do
Stuck inside this maze you can’t go through

Don’t give up
and help is surely on its way
and don’t give up
and the dark is breaking in today
and just keep on moving through these storms
and soon enough you’ll find the door
just don’t give up
oh and don’t give up

These walls around you are caving in
And your life seems like it is wearing thin
Your hope is drowning in despair
It looks like you’re not going anywhere
Step inside this Heart and then you’ll see
Such a love that is so amazing


not giving up on grace.

rescue me

ever feel like you are drowning?
life is happening all around, and you feel like you are flailing out-of-control?
the waters get deeper…
your legs tire…
how much longer can you keep your head above water?

how did things get like this? how did i end up here, in the midst of all of this?  now what do i do?
the tides of frustration, confusion, selfishness, anger, feeling overwhelmed, fear threaten and the storm clouds loom.

just within your reach…a live saver…your life Savior.
the waters are still deep…your legs still tire…but to be able to wrap your arms around Jesus and have He ease the burden is priceless.

i would have written, and in fact did write, those words a few weeks ago.  but in the middle of writing this blog entry, i knew i was just writing what i am expected to write, what sounds hopeful – after all, i am a follower of Christ.  i can’t really pen my true doubts and emotions.  my defense mechanism would be breached.  i’d be exposed and emotionally vulnerable.
have you ever been at a point where genuine exposure, even to God, seems too risky?
maybe i am the only one, but i am there, friends.

years and years of church and Bible studies and teaching…
decades of attending worship services…
bringing an occassional message…
posting and reposting encouraging snippets on facebook….

and i find myself on a daily basis, in the midst of a quagmire of doubts..frustration..exhaustion..questions..fear..selfishness..
yep…treading water, trying to stay afloat.

my future isn’t gloomy.
i know Who holds my future.  i know, i know, i know….

and so…now is the time for me to be risky with God.
He is waiting to rescue me…

I will gladly rejoice because of Your gracious love because You recognized the sadness of my affliction.  You felt deep compassion when You saw the pains of my soul. – Psalm 31:7 (the Voice)

seeking grace…

even if

“When you encounter rough patches along your life-journey, trust that My Light is still shining upon you.  My reasons for allowing these adversities may be shrouded in mystery, but My continual Presence with you is an absolute promise.” – Sarah Young, Jesus Calling


earlier bits

September 2012
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